Many Adventures of Iceland
by Italy Vargas
Summary: Such drama . Iceland x Denmark x Larry the Lawn Flammingo. Larry the Lawn flammingo is owned by the author thank you very much so.


It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Matthias Kohler, woke up in a bush. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely frustrated, Matthias Kohler deflowered a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he realized that his beloved Larry the Lawn Flammingo was missing! Immediately he called his so-called friend, Eirikur Steilsson. Matthias Kohler had known Eirikur Steilsson for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. Eirikur Steilsson was unique. He was clever though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Matthias Kohler called him anyway, for the situation was Steilsson picked up to a very ecstatic Matthias Kohler. Eirikur Steilsson calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks panic before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually sassily belch *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Matthias Kohler. Why was Eirikur Steilsson trying to distract Matthias Kohler? Because he had snuck out from Matthias Kohler's with the Larry the Lawn Flammingo only ten days prior. It was a curious little Larry the Lawn Flammingo... how could he resist? It didn't take long before Matthias Kohler got back to the subject at hand: his Larry the Lawn Flammingo. Eirikur Steilsson turned red. Relunctantly, Eirikur Steilsson invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Larry the Lawn Flammingo. Matthias Kohler grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Eirikur Steilsson realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Larry the Lawn Flammingo and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Matthias Kohler took the tricycle, he had take at least seven minutes before Matthias Kohler would get there. But if he took the Subway? Then Eirikur Steilsson would be alarmingly screwed. Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Eirikur Steilsson was interrupted by six clueless bears that were lured by his Larry the Lawn Flammingo. Eirikur Steilsson turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he carefully reached for his banana and fearlessly stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent-the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Subway rolling up. It was Matthias he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, Matthias Kohler was out of the Subway and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Eirikur Steilsson's front door. Meanwhile inside, Eirikur Steilsson was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Larry the Lawn Flammingo into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his whale. Eirikur Steilsson was frustrated but at least the Larry the Lawn Flammingo was concealed. The doorbell rang.'Come in,' Eirikur Steilsson scandalously purred. With a heroic push, Matthias Kohler opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted genocidal maniac in a neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Eirikur Steilsson assured him. Matthias Kohler took a seat ridiculously far from where Eirikur Steilsson had hidden the Larry the Lawn Flammingo. Eirikur Steilsson yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Matthias Kohler was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Eirikur Steilsson noticed a funny-smelling look on Matthias Kohler's face. Matthias Kohler slowly opened his mouth to speak. '...What's that smell?'Eirikur Steilsson felt a stabbing pain in his fingernail when Matthias Kohler asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Larry the Lawn Flammingo right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Matthias Kohler's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Matthias Kohler nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Eirikur Steilsson could react, Matthias Kohler deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Larry the Lawn Flammingo was plainly in view Matthias Kohler stared at Eirikur Steilsson for what what must've been three hours. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Eirikur Steilsson groped indiscriminately in Matthias Kohler's direction, clearly desperate. Matthias Kohler grabbed the Larry the Lawn Flammingo and bolted for the door. It was locked. Eirikur Steilsson let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Matthias Kohler,' he rebuked. Eirikur Steilsson always had been a little funny-smelling, so Matthias Kohler knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Eirikur Steilsson did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at him or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he gripped his Larry the Lawn Flammingo tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass Steilsson looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Matthias Kohler. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Matthias Kohler. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Eirikur Steilsson walked over to the window and looked down. Matthias Kohler was yonder, Matthias Kohler was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Eirikur Steilsson's place. Matthias Kohler had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Larry the Lawn Flammingo. One by one they latched on to Matthias Kohler. Already weakened from his injury, Matthias Kohler yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of bears running off with his Larry the Lawn Flammingo. About three hours later, Matthias Kohler awoke, his love handle throbbing. It was dark and Matthias Kohler did not know where he was. Deep in the inhospitable bush, Matthias Kohler was ridiculously lost. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he remembered that his Larry the Lawn Flammingo was taken by the bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a little bear emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the alpha bear. Matthias Kohler opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the bear sunk its teeth into Matthias Kohler's kidney. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Matthias Kohler's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure .Less than seven miles away, Eirikur Steilsson was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Larry the Lawn Flammingo. 'MY PRECIOUS!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened potato. With a heroic thrust, he buried it deeply into his armpit. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Matthias Kohler... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Larry the Lawn Flammingo that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(


End file.
